The Key of Love

In the book Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, the son of Anna and Alexis suffered because of the sudden departure of his mom from his life. At that time Seryozha had a teacher in their home, and his father also taught him. One day both were displeased with Seryozha because he did not learn his lessons well. The text reads, “His father and his teacher were both displeased with Seryozha, and he certainly did learn his lessons very badly. But still it could not be said he was a stupid boy. On the contrary, he was far cleverer than the boys his teacher held up as examples to Seryozha. In his father’s opinion, he did not want to learn what he was taught. In reality he could not learn that. He could not, because the claims of his own soul were more binding on him than those claims his father and his teacher made upon him. Those claims were in opposition, and he was in direct conflict with his education. He was nine years old; he was a child; but he knew his own soul, it was precious to him, he guarded it as the eyelid guards the eye, and without the key of love he let no one into his soul. His teachers complained that he would not learn, while his soul was brimming over with thirst for knowledge.” As a parent this description was powerful to me because we see a father trying to help his son learn and a son who was unable to learn from his father because the “key of love” was missing. Seryozha was hurt from the disappearance of this mother—he was told she was dead but he disbelieved it—and his father was unable to unlock the soul of his child with the love he should have expressed. What the child needed more than lessons on the Old Testament patriarchs (what Alexis was trying to teach him) were true care and concern from his father in a time of great hurt for the boy. The story highlights that the most effective teachers are those who truly love their students. And surely that is true for parents as well—we can only unlock the souls of our children through the key of love. But that love is not always easy to obtain, for it must fit this powerful description of charity: “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (Moroni 7:45). That kind of attitude of Alexis towards Seryozha would surely have opened up the boy’s soul to his father.

               One of the best examples of this in the scriptures is the story of Enos. We do not have much detail about the relationship between Enos and his father Jacob, but Enos began his account with these words that speak volumes: “Behold, it came to pass that I, Enos, knowing my father that he was a just man—for he taught me in his language, and also in the nurture and admonition of the Lord—and blessed be the name of my God for it” (Enos 1:1). Enos was brought to repentance—to change—because of at least three things. First, he knew that his father was “a just man.” Jacob had clearly gained the trust of his son Enos through their relationship and Jacob’s actions. Second, Jacob taught Enos in the “nurture” of the Lord. That word connotates great care and compassion and love shown by Jacob to his son as he taught him. Lastly, Jacob taught Enos in the “admonition of the Lord,” meaning he admonished or invited his son to keep the commandments of God. I believe that this third element without the first two would have been far less effective; that was what Alexis tried. But it was because Enos trusted his father and had been nurtured by him that he was led to turn to the Lord himself and find a remission of his sins. And perhaps it took a long time for this to happen, for we do not know if Jacob was even still alive when Enos had his great spiritual experience in the forest. Jacob may have wondered if his efforts to love and nurture and teach his son were going to have any effect, but clearly they did in the end. I believe it was Jacob’s love and goodness that ultimately led his son to the Lord. And similarly for us as parents, we need to show our children “all the feeling of a tender parent” like Lehi as we seek to unlock their soul with love to lead them to the Savior (1 Nephi 8:37).