Thou Art There

The psalmist wrote these stirring words, “Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether…. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me” (Psalm 139:3-10).  There is nowhere we can go that the Lord will not be there; there is nowhere we can venture such that the Spirit of the Lord is not present and available to comfort and sustain us.  While we are not physically in the presence of God while here on earth, there is nowhere on earth that we can flee and not in a sense be in His presence; there is nowhere on the earth that He does not see us and long to help us. 

               I found that scripture in the book I’m listening to, Silent Souls Weeping by Jane Johnson, about depression.  In it she tells stories of those who, during periods of severe depression, felt to the contrary that they had no access to the Spirit and that God was not listening.  I have at one period in my life had this struggle of the utter inability to feel the Spirit of the Lord, though surely not to the extent of some of those whom she quoted in her book.  I don’t know why this occurs, and why despite every valiant effort we may at times feel the heavens simply do not hear us.  We read this account of Hezekiah in the Old Testament: “God left him, to try him, that he might know all that was in his heart” (2 Chronicles 32:31).  While not exactly a comforting scripture, it does indicate that even a righteous man like Hezekiah had a period in his life when He didn’t feel God with him.  So we should not feel that something is wrong with us if we struggle to feel God’s Spirit even when we are trying to do everything right. 

The Savior Himself even experienced this when the immediate presence of the Father left Him on the cross.  Matthew recorded, “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46)  He felt the utter helplessness of being without His Father.  Of this experience Elder Holland said, “It is my personal belief that in all of Christ’s mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence…. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.”  When we feel alone and when we feel that the Lord does not hear us or that His Spirit is too far to reach, we can take comfort in knowing the Savior has been there and knows exactly how we feel.  And just as the pain of abandonment did not last forever for Him, it will not for us either if we hold on as He did.     

              President Nelson also referred to the fact that we may sometimes feel that God is far from us when he said, “To be sure, there may be times when you feel as though the heavens are closed.”  But then he also gave us this assurance, “But I promise that as you continue to be obedient, expressing gratitude for every blessing the Lord gives you, and as you patiently honor the Lord’s timetable, you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek.”  No matter what happens to us, no matter where we are, and no matter how alone we feel, God is still there.  And in His own time and in His own way, we will feel His Spirit again.