Fostering Faith in Jesus Christ

Lately I have been studying the recent talk by President Eyring, A Home Where the Spirit of the Lord Dwells, as my wife and I have struggled with a lot of contention among our children in our home.  I wrote about this conference talk a couple months back, but it has taken on more importance to me as our two oldest, a nine-year-old girl and a seven-year-old boy, have been having a really hard time getting along.  All that needs to take place is for them to see each other for a fight to erupt and the insults to start being thrown.  Each one has taken it upon themselves to become the parent to the other and to correct the other’s behavior, which never ends well as phrases like “you’re not the boss of me you meanie” and “I wish you weren’t even in this family you dummy” are thrown back and forth, sometimes escalating into hitting and scratching.  As we have struggled to know what to do, and realizing that telling them they need to get along and to be nice and that they should think about how the other feels doesn’t help much, I have been reminded of what President Eyring taught us: “You could have limited success by calling a child to repent, for instance, of pride. You might try persuading children to share what they have more generously. You could ask them to stop feeling they are better than someone else in the family. But then you come to the symptom I described earlier as ‘They began to diminish in their faith in Jesus Christ.’” 

In other words, the situation is not best improved by trying to correct every negative behavior we see.  Rather, we need to focus on the core issue: our children need more faith in Jesus Christ which will in turn help them to feel a desire to be like Him and treat others as He would want them to.  President Eyring continued, “As you help them grow in faith that Jesus Christ is their loving Redeemer, they will feel a desire to repent. As they do, humility will begin to replace pride. As they begin to feel what the Lord has given them, they will want to share more generously. Rivalry for prominence or recognition will diminish. Hate will be driven out by love.”  His comments are reminiscent of this famous quote by President Packer: “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.  The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.”  In parenting, fostering faith in Jesus Christ and understanding of the gospel will do more to help them than trying to enforce proper behaviors.  That is harder said than done, especially when in the thick of the chaos and fighting, but for our best chance at raising children who develop the characteristics we want them to have we need to learn to focus first on their faith and spiritual growth.  That seems to be a lesson I have to keep learning.        

             One of the ways that President Eyring suggested we could help our children to grow their faith in the Savior is through the study of the scriptures.  I have been trying recently to encourage this particular son to read the scriptures on his own, and he has been reading the Doctrine and Covenants on my phone with me for a few minutes most nights.  Though usually he reads quickly and then moves on to his other books that he likes to read, last night I got a glimmer of hope as the words seemed to have an effect on him.  After reading a few verses he started asking questions about heaven and who would go there, and as we talked he admitted that he was worried that he wasn’t going to make it to heaven because he fought too much with his siblings.  He told me he’d rather be baptized at 16 because he thought he’d be a better kid by then and could have all his sins washed away at that point.  This led to a good discussion and I tried to encourage him that God would help him to be better and that he could change now.  It was a very small thing, but I believe it was the power of the scriptures that helped him to feel in a small way that he needed to change to be more like His Savior.  It was a witness to me of the truthfulness of Mormon’s words that the word of God has “more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them” and that we should “try the virtue of the word of God” more than our parental sword to help our children change (Alma 31:5).  I’d love to say that the fighting was gone today between these two children, but there was plenty of it again.  But I now have just a little more faith myself that our best chance at helping them become the kind of people we hope they will become is to keep working to foster their faith in the Savior.