They Became For Themselves

Shortly after the miraculous sign of the Savior’s birth among the Nephites, Mormon gave this description of the spiritual state of many of the Lamanite youth: “And there was also a cause of much sorrow among the Lamanites; for behold, they had many children who did grow up and began to wax strong in years, that they became for themselves, and were led away by some who were Zoramites, by their lyings and their flattering words, to join those Gadianton robbers” (3 Nephi 1:29). This statement that they “became for themselves” certainly reminds us of what we see so much today, both in the youth and in adults. These Lamanite youth, the phrase suggests, existed solely for themselves; their purpose was focused only on their own enjoyment and fulfillment, on meeting their own needs before anyone else’s. The word become suggests more than a few selfish actions but rather that their state of being was an intense focus on themselves.

               This verse leads me to ponder two questions in particular. First, what have I become for? In other words, what do I live for, what motivates me and impels me to action? Is it to serve God and to serve others, or is it serve myself? Surely none of us fully do one or the other, but in the gospel of Jesus Christ we are taught in a seeming paradox that to do the first—i.e. to not focus on yourself—is the only way to get what people are really second in the second (personal happiness). The Savior put it this way, “He who seeketh to save his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it” (JST Matt. 10:34). The prophet Isaiah gave us the perspective that we should have as disciples of the Savior: “And now, saith the Lord that formed me from the womb to be his servant, to bring Jacob again to him, Though Israel be not gathered, yet shall I be glorious in the eyes of the Lord, and my God shall be my strength” (Isaiah 49:5). Why were we formed? To serve God and to bring others again to Him. In other words, we should become for God and for others. We have to fight the temptations of selfishness each day to try to follow the two great commandments to love God and our neighbor. The Prophet Joseph Smith put it this way: “Let every selfish feeling be not only buried, but annihilated.”   

                 The second question that this description of the Lamanite youth leads me to consider is this: How do I teach my children not to become for themselves too? One of the most powerful motivating forces for the young is their mimetic desire. I saw this in my two-year-old recently who has watched what I do with diapers that need to be taken outside: I put them in a plastic grocery bag, go out the front door, and put them in the trash bin. Now often when I change his diaper he demands to take it from me, walks over to the plastic bags, puts it in one, and marches to the front door so he can take it outside himself where it belongs. If I try to have him deviate at all from this routine he refuses. This is just one example among so many of how I have seen my children try to copy the behavior of others. So perhaps what our children need most to help them overcome selfishness is to see the right examples of unselfishness. That of course must first come from us—they need to see both how we serve them and others. The other even more important example of unselfishness that we need to be able to show them is that of the Savior. The unselfish life of the Jesus and His perfect service to save them surely should be the most important motivation for them to go and do likewise, “He having set the example before them” (2 Nephi 31:9). Ultimately we cannot ensure that our children will not “become for themselves,” but a focus on overcoming selfishness in ourselves and inviting them to come unto the Savior is our best shot at helping them to lose their life in His service.