A Dinner of Herbs

The Come, Follow Me manual about the book of Proverbs this week says this, “Some of the proverbs in chapters 15 and 16 may inspire you to improve the way you communicate with others, especially loved ones.” There are many gems in these chapters that help us think about how we communicate with and treat others. The first verse is probably the most famous: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (15:1). There is indeed great power in one who can respond to contention with soft answers as this verse suggests: “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city” (16:32). The man or woman who can control their spirit and be slow to anger ultimately has more power than the mighty ruler who cannot do that. Another verse says this: “The wrath of a king is as messengers of death: but a wise man will pacify it” (16:14). A ruler with real wisdom will not be driven to wrath but will seek to pacify it in others. The effect of kind words instead of anger is powerful: “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones” (16:24). The righteous will exercise restraint and judgment and speak with careful consideration as this proverb suggests: “The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things” (15:28). We see the latter all over today on social media as people “pour out evil things” against those they do not like and vilify those who disagree with them. But the righteous will be cautious in his or her words and “study” carefully before speaking. “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife” (15:18). We should be slow to anger, seeking to give soft answers and pleasant words even when facing wrath and opposition, just as the Savior did when He was persecuted and unjustly treated. For example, when at His fake trial before the Sanhedrin one of the officers “struck Jesus with the palm of his hand, saying, Answerest thou the high priest so?” He responded to the abuse with perfect mildness, “If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil: but if well, why smitest thou me?” (John 18:22-23). That is power indeed to be able to speak with such calmness in the face of that kind of abuse.  

                My favorite verse from these two chapters in Proverbs is this one: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith” (15:17). The footnote suggests that “stalled” could be translated as “fattened” so I think the verse is in essence saying, “It is better to have a poor man’s meal with those who are full of love than to eat the best of foods with those who are full of hate.” As my older kids spend more time outside our home and understand the things that other people have, they have become more jealous about others’ cars and homes and clothes and games and phones and just about everything else. This verse is a reminder that what they need most in our home is not the next greatest gadget but love from us. Though they don’t fully realize it, what will make them most happy is not to have all these things but to feel loved and feel love for others in a family united in the gospel. When they are jealous of others, they of course don’t see the hidden challenges that many of their peers face—they only see the possessions that they think bring happiness. But it is the intangible things, as these proverbs highlight so well, that matter most and will bring true happiness. It is love and wisdom, humility and peace, kindness and understanding that in the end will bring them what they really want. The writer of these proverbs summed it up this way: “Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he” (16:20). I hope that I can help my children see that it is trusting in the Lord, and seeking to be like Him, that will bring contentment and fulfillment in life. The greatest things I can give them aren’t measured with price tags but rather the feelings of the heart. So even if they feel like they have “herbs” compared to the fatted calves of others, I hope they will always know that in their home they can always find love.