My Expectation is From Him

In a talk to the youth of the Church nearly three decades ago, President Nelson said this of his marriage: “This year, Sister Nelson and I will celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary. We realize that the number of additional years together in mortality is steadily diminishing. How grateful we are that we have been faithful to each other in spite of numerous periods of separation imposed by wartime and professional duties. Someone once asked my sweetheart how she managed with ten children as well as a husband with a demanding surgical practice, major responsibilities in the Church, and little time to help. Her reply was unforgettable. ‘When I married him,’ she said, ‘I didn’t expect much, so I was rarely disappointed.’” While somewhat comical, I think there is wise counsel in her comment. I remember once about a dozen years ago our ward had some kind of evening adult chat in a ward member’s home. I don’t remember what the topic was or even who was leading the discussion, but I remember two words from one brother’s comment. He was describing their philosophy in their family and he said this: “No expectations.” At the time I thought that was an odd statement and was a rather low bar to shoot for! But over the years as I have pondered his comment, I have realized there is great wisdom in it. I don’t believe he was saying that they had no expectations of good things to come in their family or accomplishment for their children or success in their marriage, but rather he was speaking about how they viewed and treated one another. For example, if we expect our spouse to always cook us dinner or to make a specified amount of money or to develop a particular hobby or habit, our gratitude for them will diminish and frustrations increase as expectations go unmet. Or if we expect our child to always get A’s in school or to develop a love for a particular sport of to have a certain level of cleanliness, our expressions of affection may be replaced by a show of bitterness when they turn out differently. If, on the other hand, instead of expecting them to do particular things or develop certain traits, we simply love and encourage and inspire them, our affection and connection with them will be unhindered. Because Sister Nelson did not expect her husband to be a particular way, she was not disappointed in what he became and in their marriage. What we need are not expectations but gratitude and hope for the future.

                And so, instead of creating artificial expectations about others in our minds, we can instead cultivate “a more excellent hope” for the future with gratitude for the Lord’s blessings, with faith that each of us can be guided by the Savior to because all that He wants us to become. Our expectation is in the salvation of Jesus Christ as Paul declared, “What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice. For I know that this shall turn to my salvation through your prayer, and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death” (Philippians 1:18-20). Our expectation is in His salvation, and we can be sure that He will come through for us—He already has. Our earnest hope is focused on Jesus Christ and not on the actions of people around us. Paul also wrote this to the Romans: “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope” (Romans 8:16-20). We are become children of God through Him who has given us hope to be joint-heirs of salvation. We can have this “earnest expectation” that He will save us and lift us up as we cling to Him through our covenants. We need not get hung up on petty expectations of what we think others should do or become, and we can instead say with the psalmist: “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved” (Psalm 62:5-6).