My Voice Shall Forever Ascend

I believe that the time shortly after the death of his father Lehi was one of the low points of Nephi’s life. He related, “And it came to pass after my father, Lehi, had spoken unto all his household, according to the feelings of his heart and the Spirit of the Lord which was in him, he waxed old. And it came to pass that he died, and was buried. And it came to pass that not many days after his death, Laman and Lemuel and the sons of Ishmael were angry with me because of the admonitions of the Lord” (2 Nephi 4:12-13). The dirt had not even hardened over the grave of Lehi, and his brothers and the sons of Ishmael were angry again at him and turned their hearts once more against the Lord. And it was no small thing, for this anger continued to escalate until Nephi recorded, “Their anger did increase against me, insomuch that they did seek to take away my life” (2 Nephi 5:2). Still mourning himself for the loss of his father, it was during this time that Nephi seems to have been overwhelmed with feelings of anger himself. After all that he had done for them, saving their lives in the wilderness, saving their lives on the ship, forgiving them over and over and over again, and yet they still persisted in their rebellion towards him. They who had sought the death of their father on multiple occasions now finally had it, and so they turned their focus full strength against Nephi. It was so maddening that it seems the anger that came upon Nephi—the one who had previously been able to immediately “frankly forgive” his brothers—was a shock to him and he cried out in anguish, “O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.” He who had been patient and loving time and time again questioned himself in pain, “Why am I angry because of mine enemy?” The adversary was working overtime on him at this time of mourning “to destroy [his] peace and afflict [his] soul” (2 Nephi 4:17-18, 27).

                It is what Nephi did at this low point of his life that is most instructive to us. What do you do when negative feelings seem to be greater than your own strength to resist them? What do you do when temptation to do wrong is so powerful that you don’t know how to escape it? I wonder if the adversary wasn’t trying to get Nephi to seek the life of his brothers, whispering to him that they had been the real cause of the death of his father—Nephi had killed Laban, surely they were more wicked than Laban had been. In fact, Nephi had the sword of Laban and he was large in stature, likely stronger than each of his older brothers. Perhaps fighting this kind of temptation, he did the only thing he could: he poured out his heart to God and put his trust in Him. He cried out, “O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!” He turned to heartfelt, pleading prayer, seeking for the help of the Lord just as the Savior would instruct us to do in our day: “Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work” (Doctrine and Covenants 10:5). I love how Nephi cried out to the Lord in trust: “O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh;… Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God” (2 Nephi 4:34-35). The only answer, when temptations and trials wash over us, is to call out to the Lord in prayer. Like Nephi, we must be determined to call upon Him continually, knowing that He will give liberally to us and help us as our voices ascend forever unto Him.