Teaching Honesty

In her recent general conference talk, Sister Joy Jones spoke of how we need to help raise a "sin-resistant generation," and one of the ways that we do that is to help them keep their promises.  She said, "Teaching children to keep simple promises when they are young will empower them to keep holy covenants later in life."  She told a story of a boy in a family who was able to improve his behavior towards his sister because he committed to doing so for a short period of time and then was able to succeed at keeping that commitment.  As he started to do this several times in a row—commit to better behavior and then actually do it—the boy explained, "I kept my promise because I said I would.”  Sister Jones suggested that such small, successfully kept promises can lead to true integrity.  I like her message and it has got me thinking about how I can help my children to keep promises.  But what do we do when they simply don't?  How can we teach the importance of honesty and integrity when our children don't seem to feel the need for it?  For example, we have lately had problems with our children taking treats that they know they are not supposed to have; last night we discovered a container of frosting in our seven-year old's closet that she had already taken once from us, had it discovered and thrown away in the trash, and then she apparently fished through the trash and stole it back again.  Of course this is a pretty minor thing now, but how do we help her see that the issue is not really the frosting or the fact that she got caught, but rather that she took something that didn't belong to her?  How do we help her feel that most importantly God wants her to be honest?  

               King Benjamin taught us in these words: "Ye will teach [your children] to walk in the ways of truth and soberness" (Mosiah 4:15).  I'm not sure I've really figured out how to do that yet, but I think the story of the Anti-Nephi-Lehies and the stripling warriors has something to teach us about it.  We learn that these converts to the gospel were as truthful as they come: "And they were also distinguished for their zeal towards God, and also towards men; for they were perfectly honest and upright in all things; and they were firm in the faith of Christ, even unto the end" (Alma 27:27).  They were so true to their word and their covenant with God that they were willing to sacrifice their lives as their brethren came upon them in war: "And this they did, it being in their view a testimony to God, and also to men, that they never would use weapons again for the shedding of man’s blood; and this they did, vouching and covenanting with God, that rather than shed the blood of their brethren they would give up their own lives" (Alma 24:18).  The example of these incredible converts surely had a profound impact upon their children, among whom were the stripling warriors who had solid integrity.  They “covenanted that they never would give up their liberty, but they would fight in all cases to protect the Nephites and themselves from bondage” (Alma 53:17).  This was no half-hearted agreement to fight in a couple of battles; they made a covenant to fight “in all cases” for the protection of the Nephites.  Later in that moment when the Lamanites stopped pursuing them and they didn’t know whether it was a trap or if Antipus was in trouble, Helaman said to the surely exhausted young men: “Therefore what say ye, my sons, will ye go against them to battle?”  There were numerous excuses they could have found to not fight, but they stayed true to their promise to defend the Nephites, saying with great courage and integrity: “Behold our God is with us, and he will not suffer that we should fall; then let us go forth” (Alma 56:44-46).  They had seen the integrity of their parents and how their parents had kept their covenants with God, and they followed suite.  Perhaps then the lesson that this story has to teach us is that we must give our children the example of honesty and integrity and covenant-keeping to follow, hoping that they will do likewise.  We cannot guarantee that they will follow us, but surely there is no more important thing we can do in teaching them to keep promises and covenants than to show them our own determination to do so.