Get Far Enough In

Sister Jones told a story in the most recent general conference that has caused me serious reflection about my role as a parent. She told of a friend who at the age of 18 had joined the United States army to fight in the Vietnam War. She recounted, “He was assigned to basic training in the infantry to become a foot soldier. He explained that the training was grueling. He described his drill instructor as cruel and inhumane. One particular day his squad was dressed in full battle gear, hiking in sweltering heat. The drill instructor suddenly shouted orders to drop to the ground and not move. The instructor was watching for even the slightest motion. Any movement would result in serious consequences later on. The squad suffered for more than two hours in the heat with growing anger and resentment toward their leader.” She continued by telling what happened when he was actually in the battlefield after the difficult experience of basic training: “Many months later our friend found himself leading his squad through the jungles of Vietnam. This was real, not just training. Shots began to ring from high in the surrounding trees. The entire squad immediately dropped to the ground. What was the enemy looking for? Movement. Any motion at all would draw fire. My friend said that as he lay sweating and motionless on the jungle floor, waiting for dark for several long hours, his thoughts reflected back on basic training. He remembered his intense dislike for his drill instructor. Now he felt intense gratitude—for what he had taught him and how he had prepared him for this critical situation. The drill instructor had wisely equipped our friend and his squad with the ability to know what to do when the battle was raging. He had, in effect, saved our friend’s life.” The strict training and preparation he had received before the battle had proved invaluable to him when he had to really fight.

               Sister Jones related this story to our parenting and preparing our children for life. She commented, “How can we do the same for our children spiritually? Long before they enter the battlefield of life, how can we more fully strive to teach, fortify, and prepare them? How can we invite them to ‘get far enough in’? Wouldn’t we rather have them ‘sweat’ in the safe learning environment of the home than bleed on the battlefields of life?” I feel that sometimes I give up too easily trying to help my children learn a principle of the gospel or accomplish a difficult task which I know is important but to which they are resistant. Perhaps I sometimes value short term ease over long term growth and preparation by giving up on something I feel is important for them. This reminds me of the story of Eli and his sons in the Old Testament. His sons did terrible evil in the tabernacle of the congregation, and he said to them, “Why do ye such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this people. Nay, my sons; for it is no good report that I hear: ye make the Lord’s people to transgress.” And yet, despite his verbal protests to their actions the Lord found Eli’s own inaction as a sin upon himself. The Lord chastened him in these words, “Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me” (1 Samuel 2:23-24, 29). He feared his own sons more than the Lord, and as their father he had not sufficiently worked to stop their wicked ways. The Lord gave this additional condemnation, “For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not” (1 Samuel 3:13). Sometimes as parents our job is to restrain, or as Sister Jones put it, “As I look back, there were times when my husband and I felt like drill instructors in our earnestness to help our children live the gospel of Jesus Christ.” Though we must help them to use their own agency, they need restraints and correction, personal earnest instruction and chastening even when they feel we are a little like drill instructors. With their salvation on the line, they need us to help them “get far enough in” to the gospel so that they will be prepared for the great challenges of life they will face.