Let Your Words Tend to Edifying

To my daughter, 

                In the book of James in the New Testament we find important teaching about the power of the words that we speak. He wrote this, “Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.” A bit is a small instrument that is put inside a horse’s mouth, and the rider of the horse is able to control the large animal with that small thing. Similarly, a helm is a small part of the ship, like a steering wheel in a car, that is used to control a large vessel. James continued, “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.” In other words, the words we speak—symbolized by the tongue, a relatively small part of our body—can have a huge impact. And yet we usually struggle to control it; James further explained, “But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.” We can maneuver large horses with small bits, we can control big ships with small helms, but we often fail to control our tongues and the words we speak. Here he lamented the fact that sometimes followers of Christ use the same mouth to speak words of praise to God and curses to others. Elder Holland commented on this passage this way: “Obviously James doesn’t mean our tongues are always iniquitous, nor that everything we say is ‘full of deadly poison.’ But he clearly means that at least some things we say can be destructive, even venomous—and that is a chilling indictment for a Latter-day Saint! The voice that bears profound testimony, utters fervent prayer, and sings the hymns of Zion can be the same voice that berates and criticizes, embarrasses and demeans, inflicts pain and destroys the spirit of oneself and of others in the process.” The invitation of James to us is to learn to control the words we speak, being “peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy” (James 3:3-10, 17). That is the kind of language that should come out of our mouth.

                And so, my invitation to you and me today is to work harder to control our words and to only say those things which are uplifting and edifying. The Lord invited us this way: “Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings” (Doctrine and Covenants 108:7). All our conversations and prayers and exhortations—everything we say—should act to strengthen and uplift others, not tear them down. He encouraged the pioneers as they departed to the west: “Cease to contend one with another; cease to speak evil one of another…. Let your words tend to edifying one another” (Doctrine and Covenants 136:23-24). That should be our standard—if our words don’t edify then we probably shouldn’t say them. In the great wisdom of the rabbit Thumper: “If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all.” Let us remember that, and at times we may need to hold our tongues and not say anything when someone has upset us or a stressful situation has made us want to say something mean. If we can learn to just not say anything at that moment, waiting for calm to return, we can make a huge difference in cultivating peace in our home. In the end what we should say to others should be guided by this invitation from the Savior that we read yesterday: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another” (John 13:34). We should strive to say the things that He would say, always speaking forth words that show our love one to another.

Love,

Dad