No Corrupt Communication

Sister Tamara W. Runia spoke last week in general conference about seeing our families with the bigger picture in mind. She told this from her own experience: “Shortly after Elder Neal A. Maxwell passed away, a reporter asked his son what he’d miss most. He said dinners at his parents’ house because he always left feeling like his dad believed in him. This was around the time our adult children were starting to come home for Sunday dinners with their spouses. During the week, I found myself making lists in my mind of things I could remind them of on Sunday, like ‘Maybe try and help out more with the kids when you’re home’ or ‘Don’t forget to be a good listener.’” She continued, “When I read Brother Maxwell’s comment, I threw away the lists and silenced that critical voice, so when I saw my grown children for that brief time each week, I focused on the many positive things they were already doing. When our oldest son, Ryan, passed away a few years later, I remember being grateful our time together was happier and more positive.” Certainly, as parents we have the responsibility to teach and to correct our children, but I’m sure that I do the correcting more frequently than I should. The scriptures invite us this way: “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:43). I think too often I actually do this: “Reproving most times with sharpness, when moved upon by some irritation; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of sternness towards him whom thou hast reproved.” Our focus should be love with a little reproof and correction, but too often in practice we focus on correction while giving a little love.

                Sister Runia continued with these words of counsel: “Before we interact with a loved one, can we ask ourselves the question ‘Is what I’m about to do or say helpful or hurtful?’ Our words are one of our superpowers, and family members are like human blackboards, standing in front of us saying, ‘Write what you think of me!’ These messages, whether intentional or unintentional, should be hopeful and encouraging.” That is a powerful image to me of thinking about our children and other family members as blackboards—indeed, what are we writing on them? What messages, unspoken and spoken, am I leaving imprinted upon them? The words of Paul from this week’s Come, Follow Me lesson gives us powerful counsel on this matter: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:29-33). I love that invitation. Our communication (whether verbal or unspoken) should not be corrupt and we should not give way to bitterness or wrath of malice; rather, we should seek simply to be kind and forgiving towards all, always remembering that Christ has also forgiven us. At the end of the day perhaps it is as simple as what Thumper famously taught us from the movie Bambi: “If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all.” When we fail to follow that counsel, we should remember the words Elder Maxwell once heard from a friend when he had said something sardonic: “You could have gone all day without saying that.” So, instead, “Let [our] words tend to edifying one another” (Doctrine and Covenants 136:24). I hope that I can pause and ask myself Sister Runia’s question before I react to a stressful situation or respond to a misbehaving child: Will my words and actions be helpful or hurtful?