A Tender Parent

In the most recent general conference, President Oaks spoke about the importance of family. He said, “Families flourish when they learn as a group and counsel together on all matters of concern to the family and its members. Some may say, ‘But we have no time for any of that.’ To find time to do what is truly worthwhile, many parents will find that they can turn their family on if they all turn their technologies off. And parents, remember, what those children really want for dinner is time with you.” In other words, as parents we need to strive more diligently to spend quality time with our children, teaching them and creating lasting bonds. It is all too easy to let the little things in life crowd out the most important things.

                I’m impressed by Lehi’s example in the Book of Mormon. He repeatedly spent time speaking to and being with his children. In the first line of the book, Nephi declared, “I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father” (1 Nephi 1:1). He highlighted not only that his parents were good but that they took time to teach him. We see many examples throughout Lehi’s story in which he interacted with his children. After thy left Jerusalem, Lehi spoke individually to Laman and Lemuel out of concern for their righteousness: “He spake unto Laman, saying: O that thou mightest be like unto this river, continually running into the fountain of all righteousness! And he also spake unto Lemuel: O that thou mightest be like unto this valley, firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord!... And it came to pass that my father did speak unto them in the valley of Lemuel, with power, being filled with the Spirit” (1 Nephi 2:9-10, 14). Lehi took the time to talk individually with them and encourage them. Soon thereafter Lehi spent time with Nephi, praising him and asking him to go back to Jerusalem: “I, Nephi, returned from speaking with the Lord, to the tent of my father. And it came to pass that he spake unto me, saying: Behold I have dreamed a dream, in the which the Lord hath commanded me that thou and thy brethren shall return to Jerusalem…. Therefore go, my son, and thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast not murmured” (1 Nephi 3:1-2, 6). After they came back the second time from Jerusalem, Lehi was clearly worried about the behavior of Laman and Lemuel, and the Lord gave him the vision of the tree of life. Nephi recorded, “And it came to pass that while my father tarried in the wilderness he spake unto us, saying: Behold, I have dreamed a dream; or, in other words, I have seen a vision. And behold, because of the thing which I have seen, I have reason to rejoice in the Lord because of Nephi and also of Sam; for I have reason to suppose that they, and also many of their seed, will be saved. But behold, Laman and Lemuel, I fear exceedingly because of you.” For him the dream was about his children, and after describing the vision, “He said unto us, because of these things which he saw in a vision, he exceedingly feared for Laman and Lemuel; yea, he feared lest they should be cast off from the presence of the Lord. And he did exhort them then with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words, that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them, and not cast them off” (1 Nephi 8:2-4, 36-37). He was indeed a tender parent who sought earnestly the welfare of his children. And surely Sariah was just as concerned about her children and likewise taught and encouraged them to keep the commandments of God.

                At the end of Lehi’s life, we see again his commitment to his children. We have three and a half chapters containing his words to his children and grandchildren before he passed away (2 Nephi 1:1-4:12). He spoke earnestly to Laman to Lemual in these words, “Wherefore, my sons, I would that ye would remember; yea, I would that ye would hearken unto my words…. Awake! and arise from the dust, and hear the words of a trembling parent… And now that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave, arise from the dust, my sons, and be men, and be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things, that ye may not come down into captivity” (2 Nephi 1:12, 14, 21). His words are filled with the intense love only a parent can feel, and he urged them to keep the commandments of the Lord. He subsequently spoke to Jacob (2 Nephi 2) and Joseph (2 Nephi 3) and then to Sam and his grandchildren (2 Nephi 4). We don’t have record of words to Nephi or his daughters but surely he gave them individual time as well. Indeed, the final verse describing his life said this: “And it came to pass after my father, Lehi, had spoken unto all his household, according to the feelings of his heart and the Spirit of the Lord which was in him, he waxed old. And it came to pass that he died, and was buried” (2 Nephi 4:12). The last thing he did was to speak to all his household, and after sharing the feelings of his heart he passed away. His final action in life was not to check his crops one more time or obtain a more fashionable outfit to be buried in or post another message on the plates to get some likes from future generations. Rather, he poured his heart out to his children and grandchildren. He was a powerful example of a devoted father who spent time with his children and never gave up on them—even the ones who tried to take away his life.  We would do well to emulate Lehi as we strive to follow the counsel of President Oaks and give our children and families what they need most: our time.