I Have Drank the Dregs

I was moved by Dr. Gerrit Dirkmaat’s recent podcast about the Missouri persecutions of Latter-day Saints in 1838. He specifically spoke about the horrendous experience of Amanda Barnes Smith. She and her husband and their five children were traveling to Far West when they stopped at Haun’s Mill on the fateful evening it was attacked by the Livingston County militia. She recorded what happened, “A little before sunset a mob of three hundred armed men came upon us, our men called for the women and children to run for the woods while they ran into an old blacksmith shop, for they feared if we all ran together they would rush upon us and kill men, women and children. The mob fired upon us before we had time to start from our camp, our men took off their hats and swung them and cried quarters until they were shot down, the mob paid no attention to their cries nor their entreaties but fired alternately.” So even though the Latter-day Saint men sought to surrender, the militia/mob kept attacking anyway, indiscriminately trying to kill men, women, and children.

                She continued her account of the horrific scene: “I took my little girls, my boys I could not find, and ran for the woods, the mob encircled us in on all sides excepting the bank of the creek so I ran down the bank and crossed the mill pond on a plank, ran up the hill on the other side into the bushes. The bullets whistled by me like hail stones and cut down the bushes on all sides of me…. I saw down to witness the awful scene; when they had done firing they began to howl and one would have thought all the infernos had come up from the lower regions. They plundered the principle part of our goods, they took our horses and wagons and ran off howling like demons. After they had gone I came down to witness and behold the awful scene and Oh, Oh, horrible, what a sight! My husband and one son ten years old lay lifeless upon the ground and one son six years old wounded very bad, his hip all shot off and to pieces, the ground all covered with the dead and dying. There were three little boys crept under the blacksmith's bellows, one of them received three wounds, he lived three weeks and died, he was not mine, the other two were and one of them had his brains all shot out and the other his hip shot to pieces.” Dr. Dirkmaat commented at this point reading her story, “We know from the other account that her 10-year-old son Sardis was not dead. He was initially just wounded, and then the leader of the Livingston County militia of the state of Missouri, seeing him wounded on the ground, puts a gun to his head and reportedly says, ‘Knits make lice. If I let him live, he’ll just become another [expletive] Mormon’ and then murders him.” Amanda lost that son, Sardis, as well as her husband Warren. Her six-year-old son Alma whose hip was shot out was miraculously healed.

                In her affidavit to the government, Amanda Smith also wrote this, “I saw one of the mob afterwards and asked him what they intended when they came there? He said they intended to kill everything that breathed. I will leave it to this honorable government to say why my damages shall be, what they would have their fathers, mothers wives and children shot for.” And yet despite this unimaginably terrible experience, Amanda summed up her feelings this way: “I felt the loss of my husband but not as I should if he had apostatized, he died in the faith and in hopes of a glorious resurrection. As for myself, I felt an unshaken confidence in God through it all. I had been personally acquainted with the prophet Joseph for many years, had seen his walks and knew him to a Prophet of God, that boyed me up under every trial and privation.” Dr. Dirkmaat, moved by her experience, spoke to those of us who are casual about our commitment to our faith or who have decided to abandon it: “But I think for application purposes today, for people listening today, please be hesitant and be careful with the legacy of faith that people like Amanda Smith have given to you. Because, while we all suffer and we all have trials and we all have questions, we all go through difficulties, I absolutely believe at one point you are gonna have to explain to someone like that why you decided to stop believing.” Her unwavering faith despite such terribly difficult experiences should give us reason to pause when we are tempted to treat lightly the faith she and so many others have passed on to us.  

                The gospel of Jesus Christ does not promise His disciples a tribulation-free life. Rather, the Savior promises those with whom He makes covenants this: “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (Doctrine and Covenants 84:88). We will surely have to face many of our trials—hopefully not like those of Amanda Smith—but the Savior promises us to be with us, to strengthen us, to buoy us up no matter what happens. This incredibly faithful sister summarized her life with these words, “I have drank the dregs of the cup of sorrow and affliction as well as partaken of the blessings of an all merciful God. For I have drank from the fountain of life freely. I have seen the Lord's power manifest to a great degree.” No matter what cup we must drink, I hope we can always find His all- merciful blessing and His power manifest in our lives.