He That Hateth His Life

Recently Elder Bruce Hafen and his wife Sister Marie Hafen spoke in a devotional address at BYU-Idaho. They told a story about nine-year-old Agnes Caldwell who traveled with the Willie Handcart Company in 1856. After the rescuers came and were helping take the company to the valley, Agnes related how all able-bodied people had to continue to walk. Some children would try to stay up with the wagons from the rescuers in hopes of being given a ride. She was one of those and recorded what happened, “After what seemed the longest run I ever made … Brother Kimball called to me, ‘Say, sissy, would you like a ride?’ I answered in my very best manner, ‘Yes, sir.’ At this he reached over, [took] my hand, [then clucked] to his horses [which made] me run, with legs that seemed to me could run no farther. On we went [for what] seemed miles … [I thought] he was the meanest man that ever lived … Just at what seemed the breaking point, he stopped. Taking a blanket, he wrapped me up and lay me in the bottom of the wagon, warm and comfortable. Here I had time to change my mind, as I surely did, knowing full well [that] … by making me run … he saved me from freezing [to death.]” What a powerful image—here she thought she was being given a hand to come into the wagon, and instead Brother Kimball held onto her, made the horses go faster, and pulled her along as she ran and he rode. But what seemed totally cruel to her she eventually understood as an act of incredible love to keep her body warm and alive.

               Sister Hafen commented on the story this way, “Note the symbols: Young Agnes—Giving everything she had, taking the wagon master’s hand, and holding on. The wagon master—Loving enough to lend his strength, yet wise enough to stretch her to her limits, and courageous enough to volunteer for the rescue in the first place. She didn’t have to hang onto his hand when he pressed her to give more. Yes, he saved her life, but so did she. They both had to sacrifice and give their all. A story of mercy? Yes, but in this case, not ‘tender mercy,’ but what we might call ‘severe mercy.’” In the end the Lord does not require us to sacrifice because He needs it for Himself; He asks us to sacrifice because we need it for ourselves. The Savior taught this profound truth in mortality of which this story is a symbol: “He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal” (John 12:25). If Agnes had loved her life by simply crawling in the wagon in the first place and huddling up, she likely would have died. But by not immediately caring for her body and instead being forced to run, she found her life had been cared for and saved. To survive spiritually, we need sacrifice. To the young rich man the Savior said, “Yet lackest thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.” He didn’t ask this young man to give up his riches so that He could have them; rather, He invited him to make a sacrifice in order to save His soul from the love of riches. When the young man was sorrowful at the request, Jesus lamented, “How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!” (Luke 18:22-24) To save our souls we must be willing to sacrifice in order to come to know the Savior.

               As I thought about this principle, I realized that the Book of Mormon starts out with it. Lehi was given a choice that we might describe this way: sacrifice everything you have to save your lives, or stay in comfort in Jerusalem and die. Those were essentially the options, and as they suffered and sacrificed through that terrible desert, Laman and Lemuel looked back with longing to their belongings: “Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy” (1 Nephi 17:21). But Lehi understood the meaning and purpose of their sacrifice and explained to his rebellious sons, “I have seen a vision, in which I know that Jerusalem is destroyed; and had we remained in Jerusalem we should also have perished. But, said he, notwithstanding our afflictions, we have obtained a land of promise, a land which is choice above all other lands” (2 Nephi 1:4-5). Their sacrifice had saved their lives and brought them to a place better than they could have imagined. The Lord asks us to sacrifice not to punish us but because He knows it will bring us spiritually to the place we need to be, one far better than we can imagine. The Lord put it this way to the early Saints: “He that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings” (Doctrine and Covenants 58:2-4). We are here to pass through tribulation, but we can be sure that there are great blessings to come for those who hang on to His hand and keep running alongside our own figurative wagon headed to the promised land.