Universal and Conditional Love

Recently my wife and I have been discussing our need to show more love to our children and to show that love and appreciation to them not just for what they do but for simply being who they are.  It’s perhaps easy to get into the habit of only praising and giving commendation when they do something that we believe merits the approval, but if that’s the only time we give that kind of positive reinforcement our children may believe that our love is completely conditional upon their behavior.  I think that in the scriptures we see that the Lord provides both kinds of feedback: He spreads forth His love upon us just because we are His children, but we also receive more of that love as we obey Him and become who He wants us to become.  

                Perhaps the most well-known scripture about the universality of the Lord’s love to all His children comes from the Sermon on the Mount.  The Savior instructed us,“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matt. 5:44-45).  In other words, we are commanded to love everybody, even those who seem to “merit” that love the least.  The Lord gave the earth and everything in it to all of His children and gives the necessities of life such as rain universally.  King Benjamin taught his people that God “is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another,” a blessing that is given to all of His children (Mosiah 2:21).  Nephi testified of the ubiquitous nature of God’s love using these simple words: “I know that he loveth his children” (1 Nephi 11:17).  Joseph Smith prayed in the dedication of the Kirtland Temple, speaking of the wicked, “Their souls are precious before thee” (D&C 109:43).  Perhaps the most poignant scripture of God’s universal love for His children comes from Enoch’s vision: Seeing the great wickedness of the children of men, “The God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept….  The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands….  The whole heavens shall weep over them, even all the workmanship of mine hands; wherefore should not the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?” (Moses 7:28, 32, 37)  The Lord loves all of His children, and weeps when those who choose wickedness must suffer.  No matter what we do, our Father will love us. 

                And yet, on the other hand, we know from President Nelson that God’s love “cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional” (see here).  Many scriptures speak of the conditional nature of God’s love.  Nephi wrote that “And he loveth those who will have him to be their God” (1 Nephi 17:40).  God said in the Old Testament, “I love them that love me” and in the New Testament Jesus taught, “If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him” (Proverbs 8:17, John 14:23).  In modern scripture the Lord said, “If you keep not my commandments, the love of the Father shall not continue with you” (D&C 95:12).  In the vision of the tree of life the tree represented the “love of God which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men,” but as we know only those who could hold to the rod and persevere made it to the tree to partake of that love which is “the most joyous to the soul” (1 Nephi 11:22-23).  There is a measure of God’s love we will not have with us if we do not enter into the path that He has invited us to follow. 

                  So perhaps from these scriptures the message for my own life is that I must show both kinds of love to my children: love that is independent of their actions as well as that which praises their personal growth and development.  I should rejoice with them as they find successes and show my admiration and happiness at their personal victories, but at the same time I must find ways to express my love and care and concern for them when they are not succeeding and when they are struggling to make the choices that bring happiness.  They must understand both that no matter what they do the love of their parents will always be with them, but also that as they strive to keep the commandments of God and fulfill their divine potential greater happiness and love are in store for them.