The Joy and Sorrow of Children

One of the most famous verses in the Book of Mormon is this statement from Lehi: "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."  While this surely speaks of joy in multiple ways, and especially the kind of joy experienced by righteous living and receiving forgiveness through the Savior, it is interesting to note that the context of the verse relates to having children.  Two verses earlier Lehi said this about Adam and Eve: "And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin" (2 Nephi 2:23, 25).  Here Lehi linked both joy and sorrow with having children, which, as any parent can attest, both of these feelings come in abundance with the trials and triumphs of raising children.

               There are many other scriptures which link both joy and sorrow with having children.  At the beginning the Lord said this: "Unto the woman, I, the Lord God, said: I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children, and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee" (Moses 4:22).  Sorrow and pain certainly accompany the bringing forth of children, but at the same time the Savior commented in the book of John, "A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world" (John 16:21).  Perhaps nowhere is acute joy and sorrow more closely mingled than in childbirth.  John also said, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth" (3 John 1:4).  Seeing children live righteously brings great joy, and their rejection of gospel truths brings great sorrow.  In the Book of Mormon we read, "And there was also a cause of much sorrow among the Lamanites; for behold, they had many children who did grow up and began to wax strong in years, that they became for themselves, and were led away by some who were Zoramites, by their lyings and their flattering words, to join those Gadianton robbers" (3 Nephi 1:29).  As those Lamanites experienced, the disobedience of faith brings great sorrow for righteous parents.  Lehi expressed this joy and sorrow that comes from the actions of one's children when speaking to Laman and Lemuel: "And now that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave, arise from the dust, my sons, and be men, and be determined in one mind and in one heart" (2 Nephi 1:21).    

               Great sorrow also comes from the physical suffering and loss of children.  When Jacob thought he lost Joseph, he "rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days" (Genesis 37:34).  When David lost his son Absalom, despite his son's rebelliousness, he also mourned exceedingly: "And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!" (2 Samuel 18:33).  Jeremiah prophesied about a time when children would be killed, saying, "Thus saith the Lord; A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation, and bitter weeping; Rahel weeping for her children refused to be comforted for her children, because they were not" (Jeremiah 31:15).  This was fulfilled by King Herod’s brutality when Jesus was a young child, and surely there are few sorrows more exquisite than what the wicked king brought about then.  On the other hand, the Savior showed us that great joy comes from simply being with children.  When He was among the Nephites, He expressed great joy when He was with their children: "And they arose from the earth, and he said unto them: Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full. And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them" (3 Nephi 17:20-21).  His joy was full as He was in the presence of their children, and surely ours can be too, whether of our own or not.  But the more we open ourselves up to the joy available through children, the more we must be willing to also suffer the sorrows that will also inevitably come.