Children and Joy

Lehi described the state of Adam and Eve before the Fall in these words: “And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin” (2 Nephi 2:22-23).  Here he associated joy and misery with mortality and specifically with having children.  Surely that was something that Lehi knew by experience as he faced various trials and experiences with his children.  When Nephi was willing to follow the commandments of the Lord, he was “exceedingly glad” because of his son (1 Nephi 3:8).  When his four sons returned from Jerusalem Nephi recorded of his parents, “Behold their joy was full, and my mother was comforted” (1 Nephi 5:7).  Their safety and protection brought him great joy.  Later in his vision of the tree of life he also connected joy with his family: “As I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also.”  The vision caused him to “to rejoice in the Lord because of Nephi and also of Sam” but also to “fear exceedingly” because of Laman and Lemuel (1 Nephi 8:3-4,12).  Nephi and Sam’s righteousness brought him great joy but Laman and Lemuel’s wickedness brought him sorrow.  When he was unable to provide food for his children in the wilderness on their journey, Lehi was “exceedingly sorrowful” (1 Nephi 16:20).  Later on the ship when Laman and Lemuel nearly caused their complete destruction Lehi was filled with “grief and much sorrow” so that he was “near to be cast with sorry into a watery grave” (1 Nephi 18:18).  Lehi surely had great joy when they were all preserved and made it to the promised land, and he pled with Laman and Lemuel to repent so “that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave” (2 Nephi 1:21).  Clearly, Lehi knew well that children bring both great joy and sorrow.            

               That final message from Lehi to Laman and Lemuel showed that, despite the sorrow they had brought him, he still focused on joy with them.  Adam and Eve, who likewise had both wicked and righteous children, similarly focused on the joy their mortal experience had brought them: “And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God. And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient” (Moses 5:10-11).  Eve knew that without having seed she would not have had joy.  They could have remained in a state of innocence in the garden of Eden and avoided all the stress of mortality and raising children, but they would have also had no joy either.  When we sign up for parenting we have to take both sides of the coin, the joy and the sorrow, and only then can we have the joy in our posterity that the Lord desires for us.  As President Nelson put it, “If we focus on the joy that will come to us, or to those we love, what can we endure that presently seems overwhelming, painful, scary, unfair, or simply impossible?”  I know that for me in my own feeble attempts at parenting I need to learn to focus not on the struggles and stresses and strains of family life, but instead on the joy of participating in the greatest work of the Lord.