Choose Ye

I was impressed today as I read Ether 6 how Jared and his brother honored the agency of their people. As the brother of Jared neared the end of his life, he said to his brother, “Let us gather together our people that we may number them, that we may know of them what they will desire of us before we go down to our graves.” They requested to understand the desire of the people, and they “desired of them that they should anoint one of their sons to be a king over them.” This was, in the eyes of Jared and his brother, “grievous” and the brother of Jared warned them, “Surely this thing leadeth into captivity.” And yet, despite the fact that they understood the dangers of having a king, Jared said to his brother, “Suffer them that they may have a king.” And he told the people, “Choose ye out from among our sons a king, even whom ye will.” They honored the people’s ability to choose and, after teaching them and warning them, let them proceed on this path that they knew was not the wisest. They further let them exercise their agency by choosing who would be their king—sort of. They let them give their choice, but they would not force any man to rule as king. After they chose Pagag, the firstborn of the brother of Jared, “he refused and would not be their king.” They pressured the brother of Jared that he “should constrain him” but the brother of Jared would not and “commanded them that they should constrain no man to be their king” (Ether 6:19, 22, 23-25). Thus, the brother of Jared sought to honor the ability to choose of both the people and his son, choosing himself not to force either of them. Eventually they found a son of Jared, Orihah, who would accept to be king and he was chosen. The brother of Jared showed through this experience an unwavering commitment to agency, allowing the people and his sons to choose for themselves without forcing something upon them.   

                This story to me highlights the need especially for parents to focus on choice and accountability with their children instead of control and constraint. Of course, there is much that needs to be controlled when they are young, but the older they get the more the focus has to shift to teaching them to choose for themselves. But, like the brother of Jared sought to do, that agency must be given in conjunction with proper instruction so they understand as much as possible what the consequences of certain choices will be and how to choose right. The Lord instructed in this dispensation, “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth” (Doctrine and Covenants 93:40). Agency does not mean that we let our children do whatever they want all the time; rather, we are to teach them light and truth and give them increasing opportunities to exercise their agency based upon those principles. Perhaps one of the greatest challenges of parenting is resisting the urge to force our children to do the right thing—they must be able “to act for themselves and not to be acted upon” so that they can learn how, independently, to choose right from wrong and choose to follow the Savior (2 Nephi 2:26). As the Lord said to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, “Thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee” (Moses 3:17). We must be able to likewise say that to our children, within the proper framework and some necessary restraints—even the Lord wouldn’t let Adam and Eve “partake also of the tree of life”—so they can learn to act for themselves and freely experience the consequences of their actions (Moses 4:28).   

John Taylor reported this well-known anecdote about the Prophet Joseph Smith: “Some years ago, in Nauvoo, a gentleman in my hearing, a member of the Legislature, asked Joseph Smith how it was that he was enabled to govern so many people, and to preserve such perfect order; remarking at the same time that it was impossible for them to do it anywhere else. Mr. Smith remarked that it was very easy to do that. ‘How?’ responded the gentleman; ‘to us it is very difficult.’ Mr. Smith replied, ‘I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves.’” Similarly, Brigham Young said, “The question was asked a great many times of Joseph Smith, by gentlemen who came to see him and his people, ‘How is it that you can control your people so easily? It appears that they do nothing but what you say; how is it that you can govern them so easily?’ Said he, ‘I do not govern them at all. The Lord has revealed certain principles from the heavens by which we are to live in these latter days. The time is drawing near when the Lord is going to gather out His people from the wicked, and He is going to cut short His work in righteousness, and the principles which He has revealed I have taught to the people and they are trying to live according to them, and they control themselves.’” That should be our model to follow as we raise children or teach any group: give them correct principles to follow and allows them to control themselves. If we can do that “without compulsory means” then we can have the Holy Ghost to guide us and them “forever and ever” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:46).