Spiritual Maturity

The Deseret News recently reported how David Brooks, a New York Times columnist, called on America to “grow up” and drew upon a teaching of Elder David A. Bednar. He wrote, “David A. Bednar, a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, once observed that ‘one of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience and the potentially offensive actions of others.’ In other words, a sign of maturity is the ability to respond with understanding when other people have done something stupid and given you the opportunity to feel superior.” This came from Elder Bednar’s talk titled And Nothing Shall Offend Them in which he spoke of those who have left the church, despite their testimony of the gospel, because they were offended. I really like this definition of maturity—to be mature is to respond with understanding and compassion to the weaknesses and difficulties and differences of others. Unfortunately, in our society today that means many of us adults are still very immature. Many treat those who are different or who show perceived weaknesses or who have made obvious mistakes with disdain and scorn. Politics on both sides of the aisle largely consist of throwing stones at opponents for any perceived blunder they might make. Too many are like the pharisees who brought the woman taken in adultery to the Savior, eager and ready to stone those who have sinned. But to be mature is to respond like the Savior: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:7).  

            In my house I often hear talk about being “mature” from my oldest children, and they sometimes go after each other with insults of who is less mature. They have clearly not yet understood that maturity will only come to them as they learn to treat each other with compassion and kindness. And for us as we seek to grow in our spiritual maturity we must learn to not be offended when opportunities for offense come. In Elder Bednar’s message he emphasized that to become offended is a choice, something that seems counterintuitive given the language we often use: “They offended me” or “He did something which offended me” or “She said words that offended me”. But Elder Bednar taught, “It ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else…. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation…. You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended.” We would like to think that we do not control when we get offended—that it is out of our control and based only on the actions of others—but that is simply not true. It is completely in our control no matter what others do. Elder Bednar quoted the words of Pahoran who chose not to be offended by the letter of Captain Moroni: “And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart” (Alma 61:9). Because Pahoran chose not to be angry, seeing the good in Moroni instead, he was able to join forces with Captain Moroni—both of whom were desperately seeking to help their people find peace—and overcome their enemies. Elder Bednar added this invitation to us: “A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended—and to say with Pahoran, ‘it mattereth not.’” The Savior when speaking to His apostles commented, “These things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended” (John 16:1). That should be our quest—to not be offended despite all the opportunities that the mistakes of others around us provide. The Savior of course was our greatest example of choosing to fulfill the mission the Father gave Him without being offended by the hurtful actions of others: “And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men” (1 Nephi 19:9).