Train Up A Child

As Lehi spoke to the sons of daughters of Laman, his grandchildren, he said this, “But behold, my sons and my daughters, I cannot go down to my grave save I should leave a blessing upon you; for behold, I know that if ye are brought up in the way ye should go ye will not depart from it” (2 Nephi 4:5). It appears that he was quoting from the brass plates this statemen in the book of Proverbs: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). I have thought much about this statement from Lehi and Proverbs and how we should understand it. If we take it to mean that a child will never go astray if they are properly taught the gospel of Jesus Christ, then we have to look no further than these children’s father and Lehi’s own son Laman to see that this isn’t true. Surely Lehi and Sariah brought up Laman in the way he should go and yet he ultimately did depart from it. So how should we as parents understand this invitation and promise?

               It struck me as I thought about this that what matters is not whether this general principle has ever not proved to be true (i.e. whether children of righteous parents have ever departed from the path). What matters is that in general, in most cases, if we train up a child in the way they should go, they will stick to it. In other words, instead of worrying about the exceptions, I should focus on the rule and my own parenting. Most children taught the gospel of Jesus Christ in their youth remember it and stick to it when they are adults. The Primary songs sung at age four will still be with them at age 40. The scriptures learned, the testimonies developed, the spiritual experiences had will in most cases be a foundational part of their lives for decades. What is sure is that the years of childhood are absolutely critical in the development of a relationship with our Father in Heaven and in the forming of good habits for a lifetime. The best time to learn to pray, to love the scriptures, to reverence the temple, to make covenants, etc. is as a child. I realize more and more how impactful my own childhood was on me the more I get older. I see this in the fact that the most impactful friends I have had are those from my youth—even though I have been out of high school for over two decades and have made others since then, my thoughts turn more often to those from my childhood. Sometimes without even trying remember the date of a birthday of someone from my youth even though I haven’t seen them in ages, and yet I struggle to remember birthdays of my wife’s family that I should have been remembering every year for nearly seventeen years now. We saw this in my grandmother who even as she approached 100 years old and losing her mental faculties was still talking about the stories of her childhood. My point is simply that the first two decades of our lives have an enormous impact on our values and priorities, on our testimony and understanding of truth, and so as parents we should do everything we can to help children learn and live the gospel of Jesus Christ.   

So for me, reading this statement again from Lehi, I realize that my focus should not be on how exactly the promise is fulfilled but on the fact that I need to train up my children in the way that they should go. They only get one childhood, and my role is to teach them and train them up as the Lord commanded: “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents” (Doctrine and Covenants 68:25).