Compulsory Means

I’ve thought a lot about the last phrase of D&C 121 in which the Lord promised to certain of the faithful that “thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.”   The requirements to receive that kind of power that flows without compulsion are found in many of the preceding verses.  We read of the need to have our bowels be “full of charity towards all men” and to have “virtue garnish [our] thoughts unceasingly” (v45).  We also see that we develop this power “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge… without hypocrisy, and without guile” (v41-42).  We cannot seek “to cover our sins, to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness” (v37).  In a great gospel paradox, we gain real power—“an everlasting dominion”—by not exercising power or control over others.  The world’s history is full of evil men who have sought power by compulsion and force and control, but the gospel tells us that none of those things give us real power.  If we want power over others, then we need to be full of love and kindness and humility and virtue.  Only then will power come to us without compulsory means.  Joseph Smith put it this way: “When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind.”  True power comes from goodness. 

               And yet, there are times, especially in parenting, when we do have to use some kind of compulsion.  As parents we do have to use discipline, and sometimes we have to physically stop certain behaviors or force a particular action when a child refused to comply.  For example, if a child is hurting others or themselves or using destructive behaviors, we may have to use our force to stop them—we can’t always wait for love and tenderness to convince them to stop dangerous behaviors.  D&C 121 seems to suggest that such a situation may arise since it tells us we cannot “exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness.”  This implies that there are occasions that we can exercise control if it is in perfect righteousness.  Clearly that is very difficult to do.  I think this direction in the revelation helps us see more clearly what that means: “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy” (v43).  This means that to “reprove” or use compulsion, we must have the Holy Ghost and be full of love.  That is the test I guess as we use our parental control to stop bad behavior or instigate good behavior.  When we try to force kids to bed or make them eat their food or drag them into timeout or compel them to do a host of other things that we think they need to do, if we don’t do it with the Spirit and with love, we aren’t doing it as the Lord intends.  Ultimately I think this means that we should compel less and show compassion more; we should force little and use gentle persuasion lots; we should use control infrequently and offer kindness and unfeigned loved as much as possible.  We certainly have to control some situations, but we need to shun compulsory means as much as possible and fill the other moments with gentleness and love.  I think Joseph F. Smith summed it up best when he said this about interacting with our children: “If you will keep your [children] close to your heart, within the clasp of your arms; if you will make them … feel that you love them … and keep them near to you, they will not go very far from you, and they will not commit any very great sin. But it is when you turn them out of the home, turn them out of your affection … that [is what] drives them from you.…  If you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove … that you do love them by your every word and act to[ward] them.”